The Bourbon Boogeyman

by Porno Porkchop

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02:09

about

This was off of an E.P split I did with my schizophrenic buddy Cash Money Spencer. The 12-13 tracked version is called "With Our Powers Combined!" and it can be found at www.myspace.com/cashmoneyspencer

credits

released June 27, 2009

Thanks to Merrick Johnson for making the badass music video for "Hot Dog Synagogue!"

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RoboTrash Atlanta, Georgia

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Track Name: A Message From My Willpower
I won't take you to the grocery store 'cause there's way too many assholes. You'd go Freeman and crowbar everyone until you got out of that hell hole. All I can give to you is a second handed tune. I could give you rocks to bang, but the humor would be lost on you...all I'm saying is you're stupid.

I won't take you to the porno store 'cause there's way too many assholes. You'd go Freeman and crowbar everyone while wearing tassels. All I can give to you is a second handed tune. I could buy some Knob for you, and that's really what you wanted me to do...let's get drunky-poo.

Alcohol poisoning ain't all that it's cracked up to be; eyes bulging outside your skull as you continue to dry heave.

I don't want you to get cirrhosis but you don't give a shit. I can't seem to shut you up unless you're shit-faced drunk.
Track Name: Hot Dog Synagogue
My cat eats hot wings. She don't eat hot dogs, she eats hot wings.

My cat eats hot dogs. Can you imagine that? Yummy hot dogs!

HOOTTTTT DAWWGSSS!

Remember when you said this song sucked? Well, you couldn't be any more wrong! Because this song is lyrical genius. Yummy hot dogs are delicious.
Track Name: A Hermit's Life For Me
I'm not gonna go to work 'cause I don't deal with fucking jerks. I'd rather stay inside. I'm the janitor that's sick of your shit. You can be the plunger and suck my dick. I'd rather stay inside.

So many people I don't wanna know, when watching Pete and Pete seems the way to go. I won't ride my bike 'cause everything is pipe. Outside is gayer than Michael Stipe.

Smoke some packs of Marlboros, play Bionic Commando. What the flying fuck? He can't even jump? I won't Step Up 2 the Streets, because this picnic in my bathroom's pretty sweet. God, that movie sucks. Stupid dancing fucks...

Life tends to be just like a rat; shitting on everything you care about. Going outside will just make it worse. You can take me out to eat when I'm in a fucking hearse.

You say it's the land of the free, so it's a hermit's life for me. I don't need time 'cause I ain't going far, but I'd rather be a failure than what you are.
Track Name: Left 4 Diarrhea
You got-you got- you got what I need. I'm having trouble singing songs like Stuttering Stanley. I'd have killed myself too if I didn't get to eat. So, I grab my penny purse and start walking down the street.

I walk into McDonald's with my hot bod. I see the items on the menu and go, "OH MY GOOOOOODD!!" I never knew diarrhea was so cheap. I guess I'm eating this sandwich on a toilet seat.

I ain't gonna pay 1.99 for a burger that's just gonna make me cry in a public bathroom. I ain't gonna pay your hefty fine for a shit inducing apple pie in a public bathroom.

This is what all singers should do- make songs about how they have to poo. And repeat and repeat until it's 5 minutes fucking long. If you don't use samples, well, that's just wrong.

I may just be a country bumpkin westerner, but at least I'm not a corporate developer developer. Hey, Steve Balmer. You're a crazy fuck face. How many times have you been sprayed with mace?

I ain't gonna pay 59.99 for exclusive titles that red ring and die on flimsy consoles. I'm gonna play some L4D, I've killed 53,595 undead cause I have an e-peen. And, I hate zombies.
Track Name: Breaker Breaker 1-9
Breaker Breaker 1-9, you're sounding mighty fine. Eh, fuck it...
Track Name: For Ages 18+
Everything you do is stupid
All your friends are fucking stupid
All the things you like are stupid
Everything you say is stupid
'Cause everything you hear is stupid
Your parties are stupid
But let's be more specific
Here's a list of all its stupid shit
WoW dens? Fucking stupid
'cause that game ain't fucking social
Being social? Fucking stupid
They just wanna drink your beer
group photos? Fucking pointless
'Cause you take them every goddamn night


Butthurt people all across the land
Coming together and holding hands
To drink away their problems with people they can't stand
Finding common ground in mediocrity
I won't sit through your crazy fucking night
To hang with that one guy who's alright
Because he's lost in a sea of douchery
No, TY. Goodnight!

The memes you scream are fucking old
and funnier four years ago
They let it slide 'cause you have tits
and multiple holes
You should probably stop talking
'cause you're gonna get raped
if you don't go back to kitchen
If you party for the lolz
I guess you're cool
But you party 'cause you're cool
So you're a fucking tool
I guess I am too
Because I'm hanging out with you


Butthurt people all across the land
Coming together and holding hands
To drink away their problems with people they can't stand
Finding common ground in shitty music
Seriously, wtf's up with this?
I know my music's bad, but holy shit...
Can you play some fucking metal?
Oh, well, I guess I'll do it myself.