Dumb Animal Names

by Porno Porkchop

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released May 21, 2010




RoboTrash Atlanta, Georgia

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Track Name: I Am The Moonstar
I'll never be able to break the mold like Ashton Kutcher, "Dude, Where's My Soul?" Punking all the fifty year olds, I'm about as pleasant as butthole birth control. When all the ladies check me out in my 85 Grand Am, I see more braces than the Women's Outreach program.

As unique as a one legged hooker, but instead of killing zombies I'm slamming back some Booker's, to wash away the shame and filth, from my job as a clown on stilts. No one cares if I fall over and die. My only magic trick's a creampie surprise. Playing
Track Name: On Crack
I got the government on my ass 'cause I just pizza bombed the mayor's house. Not my smartest move, but it's ok. He was a greasy pedophile anyway. Now I'm running from the Jude Law because I just bulldozered down the Krispy Kreme. When I did, I went, "lololol!" Here's why you'll never catch me, because...My reflective aviators give me +5 to awesome! You're all lamer than Blossom. Stop dancing around like a stupid bitch. Nobody cares, go die in a ditch. If you wake up covered in piss just know that I am the culprit. Because you don't deserve to live.

You can call me Johnny 5. You thought you killed me but I'm alive. These lenses see right through your lies. But they can't read your pantomime. Are you trying to say it's hard to breathe? When I crush your larynx with my knee? I'm a goddamned pro wrestler cause I'm on steroids! Your soul is devoid of any good, so it's time to pay. You cut in line so you die today. These roads are way too damn congested. Thinning you out's for the best and you're like Daisy Adair, you're dead but no one cares.
Track Name: Attacking Aggressively
The city ripped itself apart in the sky... circular expungement of human life. Abominations and heavy resistance face retribution tearing through the distance. The bullets will fly in the corpse-filled night, but they simply refuse to die. This is where earth's salvation lies. These mortal men don't have much to live for. Everything they cared about ain't there anymore. War heroes put in cryogenic prisons. It's time for revenge with a two man division. The fog of war won't hinder survival. Raining chaos down on the rivals. When they run out of ground, they'll take to the sky to destroy every single threat in sight...Say Goodbye! Somehow they're still alive. One by one remove the hive. They won't give up the fight, till they all suffer genocide.
Track Name: To Destroy Everything
Once, there was a difigured girl in a post-apocalyptic world. Alen Ethen of the last living tribe. Their death approached, but they didn't mind. They focused hate on her one arm. They despised those patches of hair. Though no cause for alarm, they threw her out with nothing, and said, "You're scaring all the other children."

Two days, she traveled through the wastes and met a man with a hooded face. He said, "I'll show you my master plan," and showed her a button on his hand. "When I press this it steals life out from the sky. I plan to kill your tribe. I've been doing this for years, so join me or get out of here." Alen knew it wasn't right and said, "I guess I should save their lives, even if they don't deserve it." He took one step. He took two steps and kicked her in the face. She drew a knife and said, "If I do this, I'll put them in their place." For her attack, she jumped up on his back- you could not console her. She plunged the knife into his neck and took his hand and it was over.

Alen Ethen's heading home, but all the people were gone. Reached through her pocket to see the hand, the button firmly pressed in. She had accidentally caused their end, but that's ok, because she knew that she had rid the world of evil.
Track Name: With Magic Spells
There used to be this dick named Tim that exercised at the high school gym. He'd stalk all the neighbors with his Oozinator. One day that piece of shit stole my dodge ball and stabbed it right on my lawn. But, he won't be laughing for long, when he feels the wrath of my fireball.

He went flying through the air. His bones cracked and no one cared. He crashed through his living room onto the reclining chair. His parents laughed while they watched him puke blood all over his crotch. He said, "Why would you cause me all this hurt?" I said, "You killed my only friend, you goddamned fucking jerk."
Track Name: Powered By Satan
Please stop telling me how to succeed by tapping into humanity. I don't care what they say in your music collection, I wrote that line just to rhyme it with "erection." How do I put this eloquently? I'm dumber than a retard on thorazine. I don't know just what you expect from me. The shit coming from my mouth will always stink.

Blah de fucking blah something about high school kids, or the world being a depressing piece of shit. Should I brag about how much money I can make or apply to everyone by being vague? Hey, that was easy! Am I famous yet? I think my soul just died a little bit. Integrity can now be determined by my sales as I make a swift, well-deserved journey to hell.

Time for the drawn out, boring bridge with a classical instrument for indie kids... one that's been heard a thousand times before. Nothing new and nothing more.
Track Name: AKA
There's a casette in the back of my brain and something's ripping out all the tape and slowly setting it aflame. This average joe's about to change.

Running down the street till the moment's right, when I'll spread my arms and then take flight into outerspace. Don't need no helmet on my goddamned face.

Chewin' a hole in the side of my mouth. It'll hurt later when I wind down. Living day to day with amphetamines, my stomach's just like my bank account; it's empty.
Track Name: Mister ED(feat. Cash Money Spencer)
I got the lines that make your junk curl up inside your pants,but come on, baby, don’t be like that, just give me a chance. Your face has got more lines than wikipedia, my love for you may soon turn into necrophilia. You said you wanna go with me on a date. Color me diarrhea ‘cause I can’t wait! Loving you may be an atrocious sin, but if you’re wearing diapers, that Depends. If I can figure out a way to make you hot…should I put on porn or Matlock? I ain’t Herbert West, but I’ll molest your death, instead of shooting green goo inside your neck, I’ll shoot it on your chest. Let’s put your motor skills to the test. Getting you in gear can be pretty hard, but not as hard as me when I’m in your car. The way that you drive gives me a road raging boner. I think I’m gonna cum- PULL OVER! PULL OVER!

Errbody in the hospice is getting tipsy, you’re not allowed in if you’re under fifty. Even then, fifty’s iffy. Raise the age like the roof and make it sixty. Don’t try to battle dance Mr. Johnson, he’s got Parkinson’s- his moves are awesome. Poppin’ and lockin’ and never stoppin’, until his heart pops, then he’s droppin’. Now, peep out old Mrs. Martinez, listen to the crazy stuff she says. Screaming jibberish out in spanish, she spits those rhymes that are so outlandish. I don’t front, I let her dominate the mic, because old folks, tonight’s your night. And we just wanna do it up right, ‘cause it might be the last night of your life. So this is how we thank for the time you’ve given, cause pretty soon you’re gonna stop living So, here’s to you with one last hurrah. Goodbye grandma, goodbye grandpa.
Track Name: Who Knows Jesus IS A Pony
I can't even walk down the fucking street without some angry person yelling out to me, sayin' if I don't repent, I'm gonna go straight to hell. Mister, you ain't got much to show for all the things you tell. That's a big old bible, what're you compensating for? You let someone profit off your god when you bought that from the store. You say it ain't my place to judge, but you're judging me right now. You want me to listen, but you won't when I say how you don't need God to be a decent human being. Why'd you need him anyhow, with all the stuff we've seen? If I'm condemned for my beliefs despite of my good deeds, I don't think he'd make that good of company.

I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I die and I'm just a chicken that's too afraid to fry. You say that I'm too scared to make a choice and that's just fine, but why make a decision when there's no winning sides? I don't claim to know all the secrets of the universe. I just think religion can bring out the worst. Your god advocates murder and rape, but then condemns you for it the next day...how's that ok?

I'm not surprised I'm out of line when I wanna question, "How's it free will if it's someone else's?"
Track Name: From Outer Space
Nice to meet you. My name's Bob and I'm an astronaut, once an asset by NASA but then was later lost. They'd soon want me for murder in the first degree. When my team went to Mars, it was quite absurd, taking pictures that weren't worth a thousand words. A voice there called to me and said, "Sacrifice your team and fly into the sun, and I'll grant you immortality."

Nothing changed, but they're all dead and the controls are broke. A new meaning to someone playing a cosmic joke. No jail time for me, I'll be way too crispy. I think I'm gonna change my name to Mr. Gullible, way too desperate to change my life that I found dull. I had no room to complain; I ventured outer space. My final thoughts burning off my brain.